I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
