that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
someone owes me an orgasm
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
