Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
