So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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