She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
