i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
