ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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