he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Randomize
