So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
