OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
