did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
