I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
