when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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