I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
