Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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