Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I want is dick and wine.
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