I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
