I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
