Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just want to make out with him forever
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
