my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
