Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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