the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
