I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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