You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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