How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
