There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
