Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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