Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
