He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
