you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
