What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
