Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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