so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
