on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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