wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
