...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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