We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
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