she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
