he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
