Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bring me that man meat
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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