It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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