Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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