I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
