There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
