So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
