i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
