Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
