if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
