This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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