guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
